2023 Issue

UFOs: Just Hot Air or Something Meteor?

Michael B. Lund

For much of February 2023, the world was in panic as repeated balloon-like unidentified flying objects (UFOs) were reported over numerous countries by governments that often responded with military action. As a result, most of these craft either escaped or were destroyed, making any further observation of them nearly impossible. These were not the first time balloon-like objects have loomed over Earth, nor are they likely to be the last. This has prompted us to push for a better understanding of UFOs. First we demonstrate that the distribution of balloon incidents and other UFO reports are consistent with being drawn from the same geographic distribution, and further that both of these distributions are consistent with the areas of the Earth that feature the jet stream. Second we show that there are more UFO sightings during meteor showers, as we would expect if meteor showers, already a known source of extraterrestrial material, are being used to provide some manner of distraction to help alien craft enter the Earth's atmosphere without drawing undue attention. These links between alleged balloon incidents, UFO reports, and meteor showers establish a transport pipeline for alien craft from interplanetary and possibly interstellar space to the Earth's surface.

Party Planning the Next True Happy New Year: Lunar Orbital Evolution Epochs with Annual Integer Months

Mark Popinchalk

Humans like to party, and New Year celebrations are a great way to do that. However New Years celebrations that rely on an orbital year don’t line up with those that use a Lunar Calendar, as there are currently 12.368 synodic months (moonths) in a year. There is cyclostratigraphic, paleontological, and tidal rhythmite data that reveal that over billions of years the interplay of angular momentum between the Sun, Earth and Moon has changed the rate of rotation of Earth, and at the same time evolved the orbit of the Moon, and therefore the length of a Lunar month. Using a subset of this data and referencing literature models of the Moon’s orbital evolution, we create our own simple model to determine ”True Happy New Years”, time periods when there were an integer number of lunar synodic months in an Earth orbital year. This would allow modern calendars to pick a shared New Year’s Day, and party accordingly. We then predict the next True Happy New Year to be in 252 million years, and offer suggestions to begin the party planning process early, so that we as a planet may be ready.

On The Planetary Theory of Everything

J.J. Charfman Jr., M.M.M., J. Dietrich, N.T. Schragal, A.M. Avsar

Here, we present a simple solution to problems that have plagued (extra)"galactic" astronomers and cosmologists over the last century. We show that "galaxy" formation, dark matter, and the tension in the expansion of the universe can all be explained by the natural behaviors of an overwhelmingly large population of exoplanets throughout the universe. Some of these ideas have started to be proposed in the literature, and we commend these pioneers revolutionizing our understanding of astrophysics. Furthermore, we assert that, since planets are obviously the ubiquitous answer to every current question that can be posed by astronomers, planetary science must then be the basis for all science, and therefore that all current funding for science be reserved for (exo)planetary science - we happily welcome all astronomers and other scientists.

As a matter of colon: I am NOT digging cheeky titles (no, but actually yes :>)

Joanne Tan, Tie Sien Suk

What's in a name, a poet once asked. To which we present this work, where we investigate the importance of a paper title in ensuring its best outcome. We queried astronomy papers using NASA ADS and ranked 6000 of them in terms of cheekiness level. We investigate the correlation between citation counts and (i) the presence of a colon, and (ii) cheekiness ranking. We conclude that colon matters in the anatomy of a paper title. So does trying to be cheeky, but we find that too much cheekiness can lead to cringefests. Striking the right balance is therefore crucial. May we recommend aiming for a level 4 cheekiness on a scale of 1-5.

Full data set on GitHub