David Rice, Michael J. Radke
arXiv:2603.28895
Exoplanet atmospheres are usually discussed as tracers of climate, chemistry, and habitability, but they may also preserve signatures of planetary defense. We consider three folklore-motivated deterrents against monsters: reduced organosulfur gases as anti-hematophage repellents, argentiferous reflective aerosols as anti-lycanthropic countermeasures, and haline aerosols as a counting problem for specters. We show that globally-mixed garlic-smelly levels of DMS/DMDS could produce observable mid-infrared transmission features, that silver hazes would show up as anomalous optical brightening, and that sea-salt lofting sustained by strong near-surface winds appears as muted spectra. None of these signatures is unique, which is precisely the observational challenge. A defended world may first appear merely sulfur-rich, bright, or hazy. Therefore, some atmospheres may encode not only biosignatures, but also evidence that the local biosphere has stopped being afraid of the dark.
Mayura Balakrishnan, Robert Frazier, Joseph Michail
arXiv:2603.29963
The nature of Sagittarius A* (Sgr A*) has been the subject of intense study and debate for over half a century. Herein, we present the first successful interview with an astrophysical object, exploring the perspective of this supermassive black hole and, in doing so, challenging the traditional observational paradigm of astrophysics. Rather than treating astrophysical systems as purely passive entities characterized through indirect measurements, we introduce an interaction-based framework via a therapeutic-style interview enabled by the ARMCHAIR communication methodology. Using structured, psychotherapeutic dialogue, we probe Sgr A*'s responses to key aspects of its astrophysical characterization, including eating habits, its name, and concerns about privacy. These exchanges offer an alternative lens through which to interpret familiar observational phenomena. This work highlights potential limitations in strictly reductionist approaches and suggests a modest expansion of standard astrophysical methodology to leave room for considering how the objects we study might feel about the attention they receive.
Abhinna Sundar Samantaray, Finnja Annika Fluhrer, Dhruv Saini, Omkar Charaple, Anish Kumar Singh, Dhruv Vansraj Rathore
arXiv:2603.29033
Astrology has long been used to interpret human personality, estimate compatibility, and guide social decision-making. Zodiac-based systems in particular remain culturally influential across much of the world, including in South Asian societies where astrological reasoning can shape marriage matching, naming conventions, ritual timing, and broader life planning. Despite this persistence, astrology has never established either a physically plausible mechanism or a statistically reliable predictive foundation. In this work, we examine zodiac-based personality prediction using a controlled machine-learning framework. We construct a synthetic dataset in which individuals are assigned zodiac signs and personality labels drawn from a shared pool of 100 broadly human traits. Each sign is associated with a subset of 10 common descriptors, intentionally overlapping with those assigned to other signs, thereby reproducing the ambiguity characteristic of practical astrological systems. We then train Logistic Regression, Random Forest, and neural-network classifiers to infer personality labels from zodiac-based features and nuisance covariates. Across all experiments, predictive performance remains at or near random expectation, while shuffled-label controls yield comparable accuracies. We argue that the apparent success of astrology arises not from measurable predictive structure, but from trait universality, category overlap, cognitive biases such as the Barnum effect and confirmation bias, and the interpretive flexibility of astrologers and pundits. We conclude that zodiac-based systems do not provide reliable information for predicting human behavior and instead function as culturally durable narrative frameworks. This paper is intended as a humorous academic exercise.
J.J. Charfman Jr, S. Hyman, N.T.S
arXiv:2603.28915
Exhaustion and brain fog during long nights observing is common, but can be ameliorated by raising one's blood sugar. In this white paper, we present a prototype method for facilitating a sugar rush during late-night crashes, which has the potential to boost observing productivity.
Michael Radica
arXiv:2603.29743
Whether there is a cosmic shoreline that divides terrestrial planets which have atmospheres from those that don't is one of the biggest open questions in exoplanet science. Most atmosphere searches have focused on terrestrial planets around M dwarf stars, since their smaller radii compared to sun-like stars boost planet atmosphere signals. However, the higher activity levels of M dwarfs might also entirely preclude atmosphere retention for their planets. In this work we present a new hope for defining an M dwarf cosmic shoreline, leveraging not only data from exoplanets in our own galaxy, but a comprehensive survey conducted by a commission of the Galactic Republic a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. In this survey, we find definitive proof that M dwarf planets can retain atmospheres, and define an M dwarf cosmic shoreline whose slope agrees well with empirical predictions for Sun-like stars. We then define atmosphere retention metrics for the planets on the JWST Rocky Worlds DDT Targets Under Consideration list. Our analysis highlights the benefits of looking beyond the Milky Way for answers to some of the field's most pressing questions.
Michael B. Lund
arXiv:2603.29212
The high frequency of satellite launches, particularly over the last few years, has been a subject of significant concern, particularly relating to the future of observational astronomy, the stability of low Earth orbits, and environmental impacts. We call attention to the insufficiently-addressed silver lining of this looming satellite cloud. If the high rates of satellites continue as we model, we can expect the solar flux received by the Earth to significantly decrease in the relatively near future. We address how this decrease in flux could provide a solution for another major problem, anthropogenic climate change. This would allow us to solve one problem with another problem as early as late March 2031.
Samantha M. Lawler, Michele T. Bannister, Laura E. Revell
arXiv:2603.29324
The commercial space industry is launching more satellites into Low Earth Orbit every year. Aotearoa New Zealand (NZ) has a thriving dairy and cattle industry. Unfortunately, these industries could come into (high speed) cow-llision, as the rapid launch rate and short operational lifetimes of satellites in megaconstellations like Starlink result in a high reentry rate at NZ's latitudes. This could intersect with NZ's famously large population of livestock. We predict this will be an udder disaster for any cows that are hit, as they are squishy and moo-ve much more slowly than space debris. Using a global bovine density dataset, previously published satellite casualty probability code, and a complete lack of funding to do this calculation carefully enough for submission to a peer-reviewed journal, we calculate a $\simeq 0.3-1% chance of a cow-sualty in NZ from reentering Starlink Gen2 debris over the next 5 years.
DBM Collaboration: David Komanek, Vaclav Pavlík, Santiago Jimenez, Rhys Taylor
arXiv:2603.28847
Modern numerical models are increasingly complex, opaque, and computationally expensive, yet frequently fail to predict even qualitative features of observed phenomena. We propose a new paradigm, Declarative Bespoke Modelling, in which the modeller explicitly declares the relationship between model inputs and outputs. We demonstrate that this approach achieves perfect predictive accuracy, unconditional numerical stability, and complete interpretability. It represents a natural endpoint of contemporary modelling practice and near-zero CO2 emission.
C. Hall, L. N. H. P. Hall
arXiv:2603.29635
Anitmatter-based propulsion is often cited as a physically plausible route to relativistic interstellar travel, and thus as a potential mechanism by which technologically advanced civilizations could expand throughout the galaxy. Its difficulty may be central to the resolution of Fermi's paradox. Since the Universe should be teaming with advanced technological life, yet we see none, it may be that interstellar travel is simply too difficult. It has been suggested that the main difficulty with using antimatter as propulsion is its limited availability, assuming it must be artificially manufactured. In this paper, we demonstrate that naturally occurring potassium 40 - rich biological matter (specifically bananas) is a promising, overlooked antimatter source for interstellar propulsion.